have had yet another friend go down cause the booze outsmarted him. Its hard to see, experiencing the losses, the O.D's, carelesness. I went out on a pack ride the other day and before we even started,it started again. Slammen down 16 oz. in a paper bag and knowing everyones life depends on this chump
When friends go back out it is always sad. Sometimes they make back sometimes they do not. Ebby 12th stepped Bill & went out (eventually making back in). If we do are part & keep caring the message, then they will have a chance of getting back into living clean & sober.
Memories & emontions can play havoic in our lives, but we need them. A couple days ago I saw a photo of my late wife that I had not seen before. the pain & tears were right there now.
Ken
Thanks Carla....I don't know why I broke down yesterday, haven't done that in a long time. I do think about him every now & then...it makes me sad, I wonder where he is & if he's ok. After his house was foreclosed on, he disappeared.... Anyway, hugs right back at ya g/f
Something happened today that completely took me by surprise. I was listening to a song while driving, one I've heard many times...but this time? It made me cry like a baby. Two years after I got myself off drugs,(been clean for almost 13)I met a man who stole my heart & soul...he was definitely the one "true love" of my life. When we met, he had been clean & sober for 10 yrs...things were great, then tragedy struck for him. Instead of allowing himself to feel...he chose to numb himself instead, pushing away all those who loved him. I haven't seen or heard from him in 10 yrs, no one has...I have no idea where he is. I don't know why after all this time, I still grieve every now & then. I've been told that time heals, but...this one definitely left a scar. Sometimes I think maybe I could have done something differently to help him..even though I know I did the best I could. Can't help someone who doesn't want it. Anyway, this is for you baby...you're always in my prayers & forever in my heart..
Always On Your Side - Sheryl Crow
My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side
Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
your demons and your angels reappeared
Leavin' only traces of the man you thought you'd be
Too afraid to hear the words i always fear
leaving me with only questions all these years
Is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wander, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be
Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
Hi ngtowl, I work as an emergency service worker, I see more than I care to see at times, this summer I had a call, young man just turned 30, new bike, trauma arrest, gone instantly, alcohol related. I had to work him in an ambulance knowing damn well he met his maker, please if anyone on this site is thinking about drinking, drugging and riding contact me, I dislike this kind of emergency call, we all do. But it hurts me a bit deeper when it is a biker. It's only you and two wheels with alot of power and many obsticles along the way. If you want to party fine, I enjoy it also, please be responsible. Kudo's to those of you who have taken care of this issue in your lives share your exeperiences with others and most of all look out for others that may not know better. When you go on these calls as an emergency worker you can't help but feel horrible 1st for the patient and 2nd for the family they left behind. We have hearts in my feild and these calls do not leave your mind at anytime you just sort of learn to continue to do your job. When those tones hit you run, and to land at a call that could have been prevented is the most frustrating. I have shared with Smile a personal story that I will share with you, my brother, whom I loved dearly, committed suicide by hanging I found him, I often think, why did he not think about the family he left behind? Why was he so blurred as to how much he was loved. The answer herion, so pass the word to all that may not care enough for themselves or may not be in the right state of mind, it works all the time " if you can't think of yourself, think about the people your actions may effect, good topic owl, keep up the good work for those of you who have struggled with these demons. Ride safe, Peace out The Stang
Ngtowl write:
Good meeting you Sryder, Rose. Thanks for responding, just feeling the sting of another loss. I have 14 memorial patches on my vest. Not all have passed from going down. Just the deaths that could have been avoided, including my sister still hurt
I can really relate. I know of so many good people who hurt others and act completely differently when they imbibe. Addiction is a killer.
12 step rocks.
Best wishes for swift healing. I still miss those who have passed. Almost all of my family are gone now. I sure wish i could share riding with my bro. We were best friends and used to ride together when we were teenagers. Now that I have my own bike, he would be the one I would love to share the wind with.
Good meeting you Sryder, Rose. Thanks for responding, just feeling the sting of another loss. I have 14 memorial patches on my vest. Not all have passed from going down. Just the deaths that could have been avoided, including my sister still hurt
Rose,
Good job on your 4 months. "I thought I could it one more time" has taken down a lot of people. Things will get better but we need to do the work each day. I use the 12 step meeting myself.
Spyder
Well, I just wanted to comment on your story. I just got out of prison after serving a 18 month sentence due to drugs and alcohol. I was clean for 21 months and thought that I could still do it once more and it would not bother me. Well I was so very wrong, I cant, I blacked out and hurt someone very dear to me, I have not drank sence, and guess what I have noticed, I am free on the inside for once, I ride free, I ride clean and I acually like myself today.... I have been clean now for 4 months, but this time I am working a program and find AA and NA to be very supportive as well... highways are much safer without us being intoxicated....
